you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
