Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
