Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
