i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
