I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
