Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
