And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You dont lie about slip and slides
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
