Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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