he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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