their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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