I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
