Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
