God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
