bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
