I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
