so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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