If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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