Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
