I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
