Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
