just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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