Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
