i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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