What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
