upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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