What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
