there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
