Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
