i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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