so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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