You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
