Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
