Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
