Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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