I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
