she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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