Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
