you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
