he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
