Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
