hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
