i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
