My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
