i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
