I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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