So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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