yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
