I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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