Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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