You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
