This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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