ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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