I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
